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In a world in which “fatal” just means “really dumb”, we could say that people often times make the fatal mistake of underestimating the Single Man’s prowess in the kitchen region of the apartment zone. I’m always hearing people say stuff like “single guys can’t cook” and “cooking isn’t something that single guys can do” and “cook, single guys cannot”, and I’m tired of this monsoon of prejudice. I’m not usually one for explaining myself, unless a conversation goes silent for more than a half second and I start to feel queasy, but I’m going to explain a few fine cuisines that have gotten me through some of my roughest trials, and hopefully prove that the stigmas against the Singly Guy’s Diet are really just big bunches of bologna.

The Bologna and Cheese Sandwich

The “Old Standby”, this dish couples the exotic foods of bologna, from the city of Bologna in Italy, and cheese, from virtually anywhere in the world you want it to come from (seriously, every country makes a cheese these days, it’s like the soccer of foods). Taking a cue from renowned chef Gordon Ramsey, this is a dish that keeps things simple. Just make sure your bread and cheese are mostly free of mold particles, your bologna doesn’t have any green tints above a .02 rating, and you’ve got yourself a quick and easy treat that’s filled to the brim with “B” and “C” vitamins.

The Tortilla and Cheese Sandwich

“But isn’t that a quesadilla?” you ask, and the answer is “no”, smart alec. Quesadillas are burdened with excess fillers such as mushrooms and green peppers and onions and meat products. This dish is two tortillas, some cheese in the middle, and a microwave. In fact, it’s a dish that really takes its cue from renowned chef Gordon Ramsey: it keeps things simple. Virtually overflowing with essential “T” and “C” vitamins, this is Quesadilla: Redux, the smarter older brother of the quesadilla that knows you don’t need to bring no stinkin’ skillets to a party. A real Sophisticated Single Guy may choose to pair this dish with a Fist-Sized Wallop of sour cream, but such an act is generally considered to be “a little light in the trousers” and forgone in favor of just dipping the damn thing directly into the sour cream container.

The Cheese and Cheese Sandwich

This is a dish that takes its cue exclusively from the American television appearances made by renowned chef Gordon Ramsey: It may seem intimidating at first, but, in the end, it’s really just a big bunch of cheese. Zing! But seriously, while this may sound like it gets extremely complicated and combines two kinds of cheeses, it’s entirely up to Chef YOU as to whether things need to get that fancy or not, because, in its simplest form, this dish is really just a euphemism for a Giant Block Of Cheese. Of the three meals discussed in this article, this is obviously the one that packs the most vitamin “C”, and a truly health-conscious chef can even add a copious amount of vitamin “D” by pairing it with a Dr. Pepper (preferably served luke warm to allot for maximum vitamin absorption).

So there you have it, three perfectly good examples of why Single Guys can totally cook and feed themselves and not even die or anything. So the next time you feel like saying that we don’t understand the fundamentals of the kitchen, you might want to think twice before being such a prejudice.

**The fact that the above image was obtained from a Google Image search, and thus exists as a separate entity from this article, makes this all A Bit Less Funny.**